Four Necessary Questions on the Way to Our Best Self
I grew up in the “Be Yourself” era of education. I remember an elementary classroom with a huge bee on the wall advising me to “bee myself” and encouraging my individuality. Every time our teacher approached me with her helpful smile, and “bless your heart” tone of voice (Southern women, you know exactly what I mean) she would say, “You need to print larger. Your printing is too small.” I would look at that rebellious self-affirming bee and print even smaller. So, if you’ve suffered permanent eye strain reading my tiny little letters– blame the bee.
The wise soon learn there is a difference between self-expression and selfishness. The way we learn that distinction isn’t simply by discovering who we are, but by being asked to be someone who cultivates good in the garden of our being. People can become their “self” all alone. People can become their “best self” when challenged by those we respect, love, and allow to teach us.
Questions have historically been the way we become our better selves.
“Thinking is not driven by answers, but by questions.”
The Critical Thinking Handbook, by Dr. Richard Paul“Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” President John. F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address
“You study Talmud by asking questions.”
Rabbi Tvzi Freemon
The problem is the quest to better ourselves and our neighbors by questions often creates more questions:
1. What are the right questions?
2. When do we ask them?
3. Who should we ask?
To those questions — I have been given the gift of one answer among many.
I was a guest at a church doing a baptism ceremony for an eight-year-old girl named Madison. That pastor called the whole group of children to the front and explained that they were a community, and they are all responsible for the spiritual and personal care of each other. Then she said she had questions just for the group. She asked them:
- If you’re in the playroom with Madison, will you share your toys and play with her?
- If you see Madison in the hall and she doesn’t know where to go, will you help her?
- If Madison is lonely or sad, will you hold her hand?
- If Madison falls down, will you help her up?
And I knew, as surely as I know the rain falls down and the sun comes up, that those are the right questions. In world as compassion challenged as our can be — we need someone to ask us these questions — when we are 5, and 15, and 35, and 50, and 85 and again, again, again –
- “If someone falls down, will you help that person up?”
- “If someone is lonely or sad, will you hold that person’s hand?”
- “If someone doesn’t know where to go, will you help that person?”
- “If someone is in the playroom, will you share your toys?”
I want to be the person who answers those questions, and I want the answers to be “yes.” I want those questions to be the frame by which I understand what it means to truly “be myself.” Maybe, just maybe, you can use them to find your best self too.
